Explicit Instinct

it has been a very long journey. a journey that i took ever since ive realised that life is more than just study, work, family and friends. a journey that i have committed myself to and i cant turn my back from now. a journey that will go a very long way. thats what im predicting as of for now. its been more than 9 months now ever since i’ve started working.a lot of things have changed.a lot still remains.

owh well..life has always been a surprise to me. most of the time its unpredictable. people come and go.time just passed thru and the next thing you know you’re left far behind from the hustle and bustle.arghhh….i have sooooo much things to do and yet i have extremely limited time!!! im still cracking my head to figure out how to go about my life and beating all the odds to make it thru day by day.anyway…as for now, i honestly feel blessed with all that i have. the job, the family, the friends, the impromptu social activities…all i need is more money! =)

viva la sherrie!!

>>Probably, the hardest thing in our lives is to accept the truth. Maybe admitting the truth is ultimately the biggest challenge but what happends when you contradict whatever you hold strongly to. What if at the end of the day you fall betrayed to your own words..

>> Anyway, I found an interesting write up in one of the blogs I’ve read and I’ve decided to rebut him =p I hope he wouldn’t mind though! But before that I’ve pasted the article he did. Just a word of caution, whatever he says might just be due to the heat of the moment…People change, they always do no matter how much they deny it =) So, here goes…

"Love is for Losers" by Anonymous

kerap kali dah org tanya, napa nick ko mcm nih?
hahahaha! come on..it’s a fact..love make u weak..and eventually u lose some side of your life..
suddenly u ran out of time..have to accomodate time fot ur so-called loved one..tak ke nyusahkan?
ada lak time2 yg wat u pening2 kepala nak pk pasal prob your other half even it’s have nothing to do wit u..
friends become  drift apart..it’s true..so true indeed…come on, still wanna deny it? sit back and think..
penah bertembung masa2 u nak spend time ngan kawan2? tetiba ada smthing come up, ur partner ajak u p somewhere else..surely penah..
ke hulu ke hilir bersama..duit abis..tak yah citer..bukan duit laki je habis..duit pompuan pun sama habis(sorry, i’ll pay back bila dah keje nnt). ada plak yg abakian famili sendri dlm bab kuar2 ngan partner..sanggup tolong watkan resume, antar g interview, dpt lak keje carikan umah sewa..tup, tup, brokeup gitu jek..dah lost plak…
mula plak bila bercinta, kuar ayat2 yg tak penah kuar selama nih..mula plak ngaku selama ni kutuk ayat2 cinta then skang ngaku kebenaran ayat2 cinta..tolonglah..we live in the real world..nothing like in the novel..please lah, please put ur feet back on the ground..
nak ayat2 power? ni la cntoh yg dipetik dari sebuah laman web(hehe!)
Hi sayang, how’s ur day?Hope everything is great.I really appreciate that I’ve u in my life.Thanks for the special greeting and if there was a lovers walk of fame,i will definitely find a place for us in it.Romeo&Juliet,Anthony&Cleopatra,Shah Jehan&Mumtaz Mahal,sedalam-dalam cinta mereka, hopefully, we(Ali & Aminah) can be better than them Kehadiran diri cyg amat Ali hargai.Mengenali Minah merupakan detik yg mengubah anggapan Ali terhadap couple dlu. I thought that couple only brings trouble but then, I was totally wrong.Couple is actually sweet if the two of us pandai menghargai diri masing2,saling memahami,saling mencintai etc.We always heard that love isn’t finding someone that we can live with but someone that we can’t live without and now,I think i already met dat "someone".That “someone” is my only one,Aminah Mohd Abu. Sesungguhnya,tanpa diri Minah seharian, tanpa mendengar gurauan cyg,suara cyg,or mybe ur msg, hari tue tidak akan len..(nama dah ditukar utk menjaga maruah)

aduh..lawak apa nih? tolong la..tu contoh satu la bila someone dah jadi someone else..what’s the point of living when ur life change into somthing else that’s not you..u’ve changed..some may said, berubah utk kebaikan, apa salahnyer? ye tak ye ek? berubah demi org lain? camner? then klu berpisah ngan org tu, adakah kita tetapngan perubahan yg dikatakan baik tu? tak semestinya..kita manusia biasa..ada perasaan..mesti depress punyer..time tu la baru kembali ke bentuk asal..konon perubahan demi insan tersayang tu dah hilang bila org tersayang tu "ter"sayang kat org len…sapo nak jawab?

Ali akan cuba buat yg terbaik utk minah dan klu ade kekurangan, I’m so sorry, ali hnylah manusia biasa yg byk kelemahan but then I’ll try my best. Minah, I love u more with every breath truly madly deeply badly do. Our love is forever.Cup..Cup..Cup..may Allah bless us
astaga, ciuman disulami ngan kata2 Allah..ni la yg dikatakn bila hidup terawang2 dlm cinta..tak sedar tulis apa..asal bunyi sedap, on kan aje,hehehe..

tu blom lagi masuk bab2 18sx..brp ramai dah tergadai maruah? konon bila bercinta, i trust u, u trust me, then we can make two become one..bila dah berakhir, atas nama cinta la terkorban segalanya..become a loser in the name of love bak kata org banjar(betul tak, Acum?hehehe)..nangis la jwbnyer..then ada plak bila dah hilang dara,jd emo..cari jantan sana sini..dah terkorban sekali, alang2 bagi je la.itu apa yg dier pk..tewas lagi..rugi lagi..sampai bila nak brenti jadi loser..disebabkan terkulai kali pertama, akal pun dah diketepikan..ikut kata hati.. My Heart..tu la silap..asal love2, kait ngan Heart..tu yg bercinta ikut kata hati, heart la kononnyer..bila dah ikut kata Hati, jadi mati..ikut nafsu, lesu la jwbnyer..

klu ikutkan hati, ada je nak tulis..tp kang, merapu lak lebeh, isi takde..
tp tu lah..bila dah berkasih, u start to forget ppl around u..believe me, it did happened and it wont stop no matter how hard u wanna denied it..kwn2 terabai, family terpnggir..totally devoted la kononnyer..

wat can i say more?
Love is for Loser..thank god i’m not..

>> Probably whatever he said had some truth in it. I just said it might. But love is never absolute. Love is not the justification to everything. Love doesn’t explains why people change or do absolute crazy things. Love is not the reason why you chose to lose yourself. Love didn’t forced itself into your life and take out every reasoning that it can make out of you. Love never gives you the excuse to stray away from your families and friends. Love does not enslave you to be trapped in a delusion that you are confined to particular individual. Love never asked you to neglect your sanctity of life. Love never begged you to lose focus and live in a lala land..

>> It all boils down on your perception of love and relationship. To which level do you acknowledge the sincerity, trust, honesty, responsibility and companionship. Maybe it was pure lust. But by having lust alone would not get you very far. Then it would merely be sad reason for you to blame everything to love when everything fails on you. You would only recognise love at its truest essence when you begin to actually understands why love is actually part and parcel of life. Living your life loveless? I doubt that it will happen to you. Love does not exist on thin air to make it real. Love will only happen when there is an attraction, a feeling of longing of each others companion and acknowledging whatever imperfection it may bring to your life that you would appreciate each others existence. Other than that, perhaps it would just be infatuation or maybe insecurities that you find no comfort in confronting with at any point of your life. Perhaps it would then be better that you drift apart from your existing partner because you would find it difficult to live with that particular person for the rest of your life.

>>Love is way bigger than a union of two souls as a couple. Whatever i’ve said so far applies to all form of relationships, regardless as friends, siblings, parents, etc. That is why love has a deeper meaning to it. That is why Love goes beyond the simplistic notion of justifying everything. You chose to be where you are in life because you’ve made the choice to do so. You choose to changed and compromise to changes and sacrificied your time, attention, finance and so many more because you wanted to. Even without the so-called excuse of love, people are still silly at their own will, make stupid decisions in their life, break a lot of rules, wasted a lot of effort, time and money and yet they get away with it. If you chose to be better, to change for the best or sacrifice for the future, at the end of the day it’s your own gain which effects you as an individual directly. Most of the time the changes that happened to you would directly or indirectly affect others around you as well. At the end of the day its your call. The choice that you make in life is all because of you..

>>Well, this just my personal opinion. Personally, I am an advocate of Love, the idea of Loving and to be Loved =) Don’t reject something just because it failed on you once…Happy Valentines Day~ 

its been ages ever since i last blogged..busy as usual or is it just another lame excuse of how i cant manage my time as efficiently as i should. and yet here i am in the office on a weekend scratching my head drafting an affidavit by twhich i have no clue on how i should do about. just a few days taking over the portfolio and here i am complaining rather than embrassing the new found responsibility that i have carry over my tiny shoulders..hahahaa..amazing how it has only been 6 months since ive joined and i felt that its already squeezing the life out of me..amazing..but thats work for me. this will soon become a norm for me and move on forward without looking back regretting the decisions that ive made along the way.

right now, all i can think is to just get this whatever im doing over and done with. soon, today would be the yesterday that ive dreaded and last month that ive tried to bent my way through.wish me luck though!

xOxOoo

the thing about life is that it is and has always been a mystery. not so much of trying to figure out the meaning of life and such but to deal with day to day complications and challenges with no certain answer that you can refer to. recently, ive been asked on how would it feel to disappoint a person. i wouldnt mind being scolded or hated but it would definitely effect me personally if i do indeed disappoint someone..especially someone close. although there are times where you didnt mean to but it happens just like any other reason that it did.

well…life is precious. at any moment of our life it can be the last time we did something, said something,or even meet someone. then, life would just resume after that as if nothing happened. maybe, i tend to have high expectations about people around me. and the fact that when they do not meet my expectations, then i would generally be upset. so, in other words…i ought to have a more carefree attitude on other peopleand accept them as they are…i am letting go slowly of my profound expectations and in a way moving out of having to deal with the harsh truth of human being.

i am changing a lot about myself..

i am moving out of my comfort zone..

i am accepting life as it is..

only few more days left for ramadhan..then we will be celebrating syawal!!yeay..!!i love hari raya.i love the fact that its the time of the year where i’ll get to see most of my cousins.its the time of the year where we’ll be cooking for a feast…the ketupat making sessions, the rendang, the serunding, the kuah kacang, the daging satay, the kuah lodeh..wahhh!!the lemang..i cant wait for raya!!then, theres the part where we ask forgiveness from everyone especially from my parents and usually i’ll end up in tears because i’ve been a naughty girl =p hahahaa..but my parents are cool.they know me thru and thru and they havee always been there for me and supporting me and being forced to listen to me babbling about my work, my life, what i plan to do, what i hope to achieve or sometimes they are forced to hear my bad singing sessions in the car all the way back and fro from muar =p or sometimes i’ll just dozed of in the car cuddled up with my cushions and blanket and sometimes munching away while i poke my brother throughout the journey.

i love raya!!except this year i would have to give out raya money =( coz im already sort of working..so there goes my pay for this month.i hope my uncles and aunties still gives out raya money for me =) *wink*wink*

i love the fact that the radio stations have been airing raya songs this past few days!i love it!ahhh..plus, this thursday we’ll be having our kuih raya making sessions..me, adiba and shida!i cant wait!!=) plus, theres also the raya visits that we’ll be having.visiting all my uncles and aunties everywhere and eating sooooo much raya cookies.

i cant wait to host my  raya open house this year =) soo many people to invite!raya!raya!raya!wohooo!!

i’m sooo in my raya spirit!to everyone, selamat hari raya!!maaf zahir dan batin.

These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.

ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?

WITNESS: No, I just lie there.

____________________________________________________________________

ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?

WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.

______________________________________ 

ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?

WITNESS: Yes.

ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?

WITNESS: I forget.

ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot? 

_____________________________________

ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?

WITNESS: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?" 

ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?

WITNESS: My name is Susan!

______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo? 

WITNESS: We both do.

ATTORNEY: Voodoo?

WITNESS: We do.

ATTORNEY: You do?

WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.

______________________________________ 

ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep,he doesn’t know about it until the next morning?

WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam? 

____________________________________

ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he? WITNESS: Uh, he’s twenty-one.

________________________________________ 

ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?

WITNESS: Are you shitt’in me?

______________________________________

ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?  WITNESS: Yes.

ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?

WITNESS: Uh…. I was gett’in laid!

______________________________________ 

ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?

WITNESS: Yes.

ATTORNEY: How many were boys?

WITNESS: None.

ATTORNEY: Were there any girls? 

WITNESS: Are you shitt’in me? Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?

______________________________________

ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated? 

WITNESS: By death.

ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?

WITNESS: Now whose death do you suppose terminated it?

______________________________________ 

ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?

WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.

ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?

WITNESS: Guess. 

_____________________________________

ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?

WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work. 

______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?

WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people. Would you like to rephrase that? 

______________________________________

ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?

WITNESS: Oral.

______________________________________ 

ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?

WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.

ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time? 

WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him!

____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample? 

WITNESS: Huh….are you qualified to ask that question?

______________________________________

And the best for last:

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a

pulse? 

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?

WITNESS: No. 

ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?

WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar. 

ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?

WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law

time flies so fast for me this week.i went out with my mum during lunch hour at ampang park and i thought today was tuesday.yeap..it was just yesterday that sheeduh followed me home to break fast together with my family. then, just another 2 more days to go for the gathering at taman warisan, putrajaya this friday that harris is hosting and trying to get everyone to gather again.i cant wait for friday. then, its saturday!!wohooo!!shopping spree day with my universe around klang valley. i have yet to make my list of the things that i wanted to get. although most of the stuff that im buying are not for myself =p

i was in early this morning. i left home around 7.15 am and beating the congestion along sg.besi highway as usual. i had sheeduh to entertain me today!yeay!karaoke in the car..hahahaa…and i managed to drop her off at klcc before 8.30am. so, the rest of the day i was going through the files, making calls, corresponding to clients, checking up on documents and organizing the things that needed to be settled by today. my boss came in quite late due to the unexpected rain during the march of justice this morning at putrajaya. apparently everyone was drenched and sunburned as well. i didnt tag along this morning because no one was in just in case something urgent comes up =( yadda..yaddaa..most of them went back home to shower after being soaked with rain water.

anywho..now im waiting for the traffic to subside.by the look of it from the 18th floor, i think its time for me to go home =)

cherriooo

the first song i heard when i switched on my radio this morning was  ‘move along’ by all american rejects..i know that its some how a hint for me today.i shouldnt look back for whatever i was trying to find a justification on my past. yesterday wasnt such a great day for me. i went home after a long wait to see my master and finally i’ve managed to catch him at about 8pm. everyone has been so busy. my matter has been pending for too long and it has been making me anxious the past few days. time flies too fast. its already friday tomorrow. my short call is another 2 weeks. and tomorrow, i’m heading back to Shah Alam High Court Registry counter to extract for documents that you know it will be impossible to get my hands to it. if i do manage to extract it tomorrow then i’ll get myself a lottery ticket..hahahaa…doubt that i’ll be that lucky though.

it has been a long week for me. yesterday, we visited the Kampung Baru bazaar ramadhan which was such a disappointment to me. not that many choice of food and the only thing which i was looking forward to was just the bubur lambuk. by the time we reached the car heading back to the office, all four of  us, me, radha, li ling and niven felt so tired from walking and didnt feel like eating that much after that. i went back home to eat my momma’s cooking again.

i need more excitement in life! i need my universe!ahhh…can’t wait for the weekend…

P.S: al-fatihah to Harris’s grandmother who passed away yesterday morning. condolences to him and his family..

Tiada bintang
Dapat menerangkan hati yang telah dicelah
Bagaiku lumpuh tak mampu berdiri
Aku, tetap begini
Takkan berubah kerna aku tetap aku
Dan alur hidupmu bukanlah aku

(*) Guna hati akal dan fikiranmu
Berbeza
Kau dan juga aku
Dua hati yang tak mungkin bersatu

Adakah aku
Hanya boneka yang sering engkau mainkan
Yang dikawal oleh jari-jarimu
Ku punya hati dan perasaan pernahkah engkau fikirkan
Cukup cukuplah oh cukuplah

(repeat *)

Tak tahan tak tahan
Sabarku tak tertahan
Melayan sikapmu perawan
Berbeza berbeza
Kau dan aku berbeza
Kita memang tak serupa
Bebaskan bebaskan
Ku ingin dilepaskan
Kita tidak sehaluan
Cukuplah sudahlah
Sampai di sini saja
Hubungan kita berdua

lately some of my friends are having this up and down moments.maybe its the season. some had their heart crushed. some had work related issues. some just felt lonely and out of place. i can relate to all of them. its not easy to have to go through the heart aches or disappointments. sometimes you feel like no one can understand what you are going through. sometimes you just feel like hiding under the blanket and snuggle under it and not having to come out again. sometimes you feel like crying endlessly and sometimes you should just to let it out. maybe by isolating yourself from the outside world and not having to deal with people would make everything go away. apparently, it doesnt work that way. no matter how much you try to avoid it,  it will come and haunt you again. this are the moments where you really need support and comfort. you’ll need your friends. you will need a tub of chocolate chip and vanilla ice cream with peach all over it to make you feel all fuzzy wuzzy again.

you cant hide forever. you will definetly need to face the problem and ask yourself what went wrong and how to fix the problem. sulking til the end the world wont improve things in any way.you need good friends who can make you laugh and be merry. good comfort food like those A & W rootbeer float will do wonders. it wont help if you are stucked in you room alone staring at the empty wall and end up feeling more miserable.

so, in case you need an ear to listen to just let me know. i’ll try my best to do what i can for you =)

have an awesome day!!SMILE!!be positive and optimistic about life.theres more to life than what you expect it to be! =p